Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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