i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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