so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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