...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
