The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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