Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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