I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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