Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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