I haven't been this sober since birth.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
