ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
