apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
