Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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