nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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