At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
