1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
