he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
