Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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