Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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