I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
So much Jack, so little girl.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
