I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
