pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
