Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
