i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
