i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
