he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
