Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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