can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
