It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
