Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize