dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
