i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
