Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
