is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
