Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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