I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
The adults are the big ones right?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
