Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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