she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Sorry about my life...
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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