I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Randomize
