I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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