True but thats because hes a fetus.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
