im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
