Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Found the puke drawer
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
