Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
