Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I look better un-naked...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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