remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
