i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
the night ended with taco bell and tears
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
