Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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