i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
