cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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