i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize