Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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