Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
