Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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