i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
