Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
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