how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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