we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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