My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize