I think I am morally bankrupt
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
