if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
so much tequila, so little girl.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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