I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
