Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
