The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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