Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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