Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
