There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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