she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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