She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize