Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
