I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
