Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize