I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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