Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize