only if we run a train.
done.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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