How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
